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Devon

Devon's first December story now online

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My first December story is now posted in the usual fiction sites: fictionpress.com; scribd:com; booksie.com; inkpop.com; storywrite.com

JABARI THE MAGICIAN: NIKKI AND TREY IN CRACKLAND

Nikki and Trey discover the power of magic over logic.

Love,

Devon

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Devon does it again!

Great story. I will have more to say later.

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Devon: One word----wow!!!

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Devon,

I'll have much more to say about this tomorrow when I have more time. You know how I like to let it all digest before saying too much. I will say that I LOVED it though, and that last mini-paragraph at the end contained my favorite few lines of many.

Wink, nod, talk to you soon....

Love,

Heidi

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I am ever so glad I checked in today!

Look what a treasure I have found!

Off to do reading, cher Devon!

I know I shall be carried magically away, into dark and light that no

one person could really live through...

only you words, Devon... only your words.

I did pm you...but you box was full. Have you cleared it yet?

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I am ever so glad I checked in today!

Look what a treasure I have found!

Off to do reading, cher Devon!

I know I shall be carried magically away, into dark and light that no

one person could really live through...

only you words, Devon... only your words.

I did pm you...but you box was full. Have you cleared it yet?

Hey Eva, why don't you post a review or at least some comments/criticism when you've finished reading it?

More of us should do this. I will when I've had a bit more time to reflect.

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Devon, DEAREST.

I'm afraid you'll miss my sad and lonely poeme to you if it is left alone by itself

way away from you and your warmth.

I share it here, again.

I do not mean to crowd you...you need your space.. I just want to share the warmth

at the fringes of you aura.

E.

----------

MY DEVON, MY DEAR

I read your words, so hot upon my eyes

they leave echoes in my ears

I try so hard to be wherever you write

and fight off strangling fears

The words you write, I read as if mine

I know you see me not, and that is fine.

I'll follow your words, and I'll follow your lead

I hear what you say, your words I heed...

I love you my Devon, my Devon, my dear

I plead with my mind, my body...

and you never hear...

My Devon...MY DEAR

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The Devon cycle like a drug re-uptake. Now is the time for mountains of posts to accumulate. But I did like this story, and maybe better than many others. The Devon is our genius when it come to imagination. Who can deny it?

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Monumental thank yous, fond readers. The Nikki and Trey saga winds on. I am only their humble mouthpiece. I appreciate the support, the readership, the loyalty, the comments.

Love,

Dev

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The Devon cycle like a drug re-uptake. Now is the time for mountains of posts to accumulate. But I did like this story, and maybe better than many others. The Devon is our genius when it come to imagination. Who can deny it?

Thank you. I willingly accept the praise you offer. I hope my last story will continue to get the immediate coinage it has on the fiction sites since this morning when I posted it. I have learned after three years that Fictionpress does a better job than Scribd, although Scribd has the vastness and the reputation.

With appreciation,

Devon

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Devon, DEAREST.

I'm afraid you'll miss my sad and lonely poeme to you if it is left alone by itself

way away from you and your warmth.

I share it here, again.

I do not mean to crowd you...you need your space.. I just want to share the warmth

at the fringes of you aura.

E.

----------

MY DEVON, MY DEAR

I read your words, so hot upon my eyes

they leave echoes in my ears

I try so hard to be wherever you write

and fight off strangling fears

The words you write, I read as if mine

I know you see me not, and that is fine.

I'll follow your words, and I'll follow your lead

I hear what you say, your words I heed...

I love you my Devon, my Devon, my dear

I plead with my mind, my body...

and you never hear...

My Devon...MY DEAR

No, I did not miss your wonderful poem, and it IS wonderful!! I am honored to be its target. Your skill is evident, and if I bring that out, hurray for BOTH you and me!!

Love,

Devon

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Just catching up with this weekend. GREAT NEW STORY, Devon. Well up to your usual standard in characters and description. Amusing as hell in parts too. Kudos all the way around. All I have to add is that once again you got carried away with Nikki. Once again she moves ahead of Trey, becomes a better skateboarder, figures out how to solve their problems, is better looking and gets more interestiing lines of dialogue. How many stories does this make where Nikki takes the lead and Trey just sort of becomes her barely potent sidekick? Not wanting of course to write any spoilers.

But this doesn't detract from what is a great tale!!

More to come we hope.

Fan

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Just catching up with this weekend. GREAT NEW STORY, Devon. Well up to your usual standard in characters and description. Amusing as hell in parts too. Kudos all the way around. All I have to add is that once again you got carried away with Nikki. Once again she moves ahead of Trey, becomes a better skateboarder, figures out how to solve their problems, is better looking and gets more interestiing lines of dialogue. How many stories does this make where Nikki takes the lead and Trey just sort of becomes her barely potent sidekick? Not wanting of course to write any spoilers.

But this doesn't detract from what is a great tale!!

More to come we hope.

Fan

Forgot to add that Nikki and Trey might deserve their own book. Have you ever thought to write a novel or a longer piece? Some of your other famous characters like Brooke Nescott and her son Jared and Dragonsnort and Dr. Eric Palobay might be incorporated. Just a thought. Something to unite the "Devon universe."

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Below is the review of Devon's latest story that I posted at fictionpress.com. I post it here as well just in case anyone cares to discuss any of the points raised:

As usual, the story was engaging and very original, though I feel there were a few weak points.

The ending was somewhat unsatisfying. I've noticed that Devon sometimes has a tendency toward abrupt endings, and this was particularly true here. Some of this is due to the limitation of the first-person narrative. The story is told from Trey's perspective and all of the vital interaction between Jabari and Nikki occurred without him present. Still, it would have helped if he had found a way to show us more of that.

I also would have liked the character of Jabari to have been more fully developed. Why did he stick around in Crackland all those years when he could have left at any time? Where did he get that ‘ruby’ and what else could he do with it? How exactly did he become deaf and mute? It doesn't seem like that would happen simply as a result of old age, especially if he were able to keep himself "hale and hearty' through mystical means.

The escape from Crackland via the primitive elevator also should have been drawn out more for dramatic effect. The way it reads now, the ending is more of a deus ex machina than an illustration of the power of magic, and I would argue that there IS a difference!

Once again, Nikki emerges as a capable woman of action whereas Trey can generously be described as the luckiest of lucky stiffs. He pretty much sits back and lets thing happen to him. I have to wonder if this relationship might have been in a bit of trouble if Teagan had actually shown an interest in Nikki? Here is a suggestion: perhaps the next installment in the saga of Nikki and Trey should be told from her perspective? That way, we might not only be privy to more of the action but we'd get a glimpse of just what she really thinks of him!

The story raises even more questions about the origins of Crackland, and I really hope Devon does get around to writing that prequel someday. In the first story, it is suggested that John Crack himself was himself a racist, but we learn here that he had a rather unusual black traveling companion, and that the consortium that actually runs the colony not only intends for it to be whites-only but actively encourages racism. We can only guess at their motives, but the whole thing seems like a sociological experiment and perhaps they simply want a homogenous sample for their petri dish? I wonder if there is any connection between this “corporation” and the mysterious group that sponsored the contest in “The End of the World and Beyond”? That is something that could perhaps be explored in a future story, as could the ‘rubies’. Are they somehow connected to Crackland, or a separate mystery?

Despite the above criticism, I thoroughly enjoyed reading the story and am very much looking forward to future installments. Thanks again, Devon!

I would encourage all other Devon fans to post reviews at fictionpress and at scribd. He calims that it helps him in some way and this is the least we can do for him for giving us all these wonderful stories!

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Devon,

I'm going to go ahead and post my review here as well. I've got a quick question about the story, and I'll PM you with that after I catch you on Scribd.

I'll begin by saying that I became completely wrapped up in the stunning imagery throughout, which has quickly become a given in regard to all of your work and really no longer even needs to be said. Your very realistic depictions of both the people and general atmosphere in Ungorona Falls brought very vivid images of Flint, MI to mind....a place you have never been of course, but have probably heard of.

As always the secondary transient characters are spectacular. Cousin Darrell from the second to last Nikki and Trey installment is still my favorite I think, although there are several ties for second place. I would have liked to have seen a bigger build-up of Olivia's character in this one. I guess I would have liked to have seen some hint as to why she had the ruby and where it came from in the first place. But then I always want to know more about everything. Actually, I had originally written more about some of the other characters that I thought could have been expanded upon like Martin did, although I'm beginning to think differently. I also agreed with a few of the other points he brought up in regard to the fact that there are so many unanswered questions. However, I'm thinking some of these unanswered questions can be answered in future installments should you choose to do so. There are infinite possibilities now with so many of your stories. I like the idea of intertwining some of them like Martin suggested too.

I thoroughly enjoyed the peppering of so many controversial issues throughout the story, and it was executed beautifully. We had race, sexuality, politics....throwing in some sort of whacked out religious cult would have rounded it out nicely. Although the crazy monarchy of Crackland may actually constitute a sort of cult if you think about it, two for one.

I know others have mentioned this before, but Trey is really becoming a wallflower. I'd think a girl like Nikki would be more attracted to a take charge kind of guy. Strong women need, and want, strong men. Trey started out pretty strong but has withered ever since. There needs to be more balance. Yes, their love is undeniable, but if I were to put myself in Nikki's shoes, I'd be needing a little more aggressiveness on Trey's part in one way or another at this point. Plus, after such a drought it would be an incredible turn on for her....you know....I'm trying to think like Nikki here. He once risked his own life to save her from a maggot man......where did that Trey go?

As I said in that elsewhere place, those last two lines are perhaps my favorite from this or any other of your stories. Truer words have never been spoken, no matter what anyone says. I know that perhaps better than anyone else.

I know I'm forgetting things that I'd wanted to say, but I want to get this posted before someone else chimes in with everything I've just written before I do. All in all another thoroughly entertaining and exhilarating read!

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As I said in that elsewhere place, those last two lines are perhaps my favorite from this or any other of your stories. Truer words have never been spoken, no matter what anyone says. I know that perhaps better than anyone else.

I assume these are the lines you're referring to?

There is magic in the world, and those like Nikki who can pause to recognize it triumph over those for whom the cold and calculated edifice of reason is man's supreme masterpiece. Pure magic in all of its nameless trappings had won this time.

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As I said in that elsewhere place, those last two lines are perhaps my favorite from this or any other of your stories. Truer words have never been spoken, no matter what anyone says. I know that perhaps better than anyone else.

I assume these are the lines you're referring to?

There is magic in the world, and those like Nikki who can pause to recognize it triumph over those for whom the cold and calculated edifice of reason is man's supreme masterpiece. Pure magic in all of its nameless trappings had won this time.

Yes, those are the lines I was referring to.

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As I said in that elsewhere place, those last two lines are perhaps my favorite from this or any other of your stories. Truer words have never been spoken, no matter what anyone says. I know that perhaps better than anyone else.

I assume these are the lines you're referring to?

There is magic in the world, and those like Nikki who can pause to recognize it triumph over those for whom the cold and calculated edifice of reason is man's supreme masterpiece. Pure magic in all of its nameless trappings had won this time.

Yes, those are the lines I was referring to.

I wouldn't say that magic and reason are necessarily mutually exclusive, but it is a nice sentiment and well-expressed.

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