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Psyloki

Borderline

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Having a personality disorder, such as Borderline Personality Disorder, is associated with lower functional status, lower health care satisfaction, and a higher risk for major depression and substance abuse.

Indications of low functioning Borderline Personality Disorder include the following:

*self-mutilation (self-injury, cutting, etc.)

*excessive risk taking, such as:

numerous and near-fatal traffic accidents

*extreme addictions (gambling, sex, danger, etc.)

*substance abuse and misuse

*sexual promiscuity and risky sexual practices

*frequent hospitalizations

*successive and frequent non-completed suicide attempts

*inability to maintain employment

*extreme instability in interpersonal relationships

*extreme anger, rage and violent behavior beginning in adolescence (or earlier)

*prolonged involvement with criminal justice system and prison

http://www.borderlinecentral.com/articles/...functioning.php

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lol

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We all have traits associated with borderline

personality disorder. At

times, we all let our feelings overcome logic, blow things out of proportion,

and act impulsively in ways we later regret. If we didn’t, we wouldn’t

be human.

Two key differences between what is “normal” and what veers into personality

disorder territory are extremity and frequency. When these traits,

thoughts, feelings, and behaviors become so intense and so frequent they

greatly interfere with jobs, relationships, and other aspects of daily life,

one or more personality disorders may be present.

The Essential Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder

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Substance abuse is so common with this that it's silly. YET! Nothing's wrong with me and if I can just find someone more normal than I am to cling to, then its all good. lol At least for a few months or years. I may never feel whole, but they'll help fill something in me that's lacking.

Yay!

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The above is nothing but bullshit. I seriously thought it in my 20s, however.

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well i have all of those except for the very last one.

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Substance abuse is so common with this that it's silly. YET! Nothing's wrong with me and if I can just find someone more normal than I am to cling to, then its all good. lol At least for a few months or years. I may never feel whole, but they'll help fill something in me that's lacking.

Yay!

so should i just kill myself now or make everyone around me as miserable as possible for as long as possible?

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Once, I used to dwell under the same roof as half-a-dozen women of that description :ascared:

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well i have all of those except for the very last one.

Me too. I've had one scrape with the law, but that's it.

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Substance abuse is so common with this that it's silly. YET! Nothing's wrong with me and if I can just find someone more normal than I am to cling to, then its all good. lol At least for a few months or years. I may never feel whole, but they'll help fill something in me that's lacking.

Yay!

so should i just kill myself now or make everyone around me as miserable as possible for as long as possible?

That's my dilemma. I don't like making people feel miserable, but I'm too chicken to actual end my life. I'm working on the middle ground which is just live alone so I'm the only one making myself miserable. That's really hard.

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Once, I used to dwell under the same roof as half-a-dozen women of that description :ascared:

I am so very sorry for that. I'm surprised you survived. lol

I only grew up with one. And that's also one of my issues. How much of my shit is PTSD from growing up with a mother like that and how much of it did I actually absorb? I mean, I know I have issues and the fact that I know is what makes doctors say I don't actually have it, but I do definitely display symptoms.

:hugs:

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I do sympathize with your plight, Psyloki.

:hugs:

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Oh, icky! :hugs:

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I'll figure it out eventually, but thanks for the sympathy.

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The main feature of borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a pervasive pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image and emotions. People with borderline personality disorder are also usually very impulsive.

They have an unstable self concept fueled by a fragile identity in constant need of validation to the point that many people with BPD feel empty like they are not a real person without someone "seeing" them. Many rush into relationships, consume drugs, etc, trying to fill that void.

FUN!!

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For many BPDs, the solution is to act like "chameleons." You take your cues from those around you. You mimic tone, body language, sense of humor. This is part of the reason why BPDs can be so charming: we're reflecting back whatever we get from the person or group. We give them whatever they want to see.

Hmmm.

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Soooo, people that aren't easy to read and expect someone with BPD to be themselves make the person with BPD uncomfortable. Why?

Well, a person with BPD bases who they are off the last person they were with and if that person became someone too defective (in the person with BPD's mind) then they want desperately to find a new, awesome person to find themselves in.

It's pretty sick in all kinds of ways and very hard to fight because denial is strong in a person with BPD. Perfection is desired above all else and the second the new role model or source of self shows flaws, then the person with BPD becomes disenchanted and irritable because now THEY feel flawed. They may abuse the one they once saw as perfect solely because they feel let down and betrayed by them.

Fucking gross! Talk about your character flaws that need work to overcome. Basing your happiness off a partner's behavior is right the fuck up there on the top of the list. I refuse to ride that roller coaster anymore. Ewwww.

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Those most attracted to and able to satisfy a person with BPD are co-dependents. It's the perfect dysfunctional waltz because BPDs are very dependent and co-dependents gain their self worth from being needed and their ability to give until drained and dying. All so destructive, really.

I guess it's true that there's a person for everyone. Unfortunately, unless both people stay blind and numb to the detrimental effects of their dance, they are doomed to break apart.

I refuse to die anymore.

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What if I love someone with BPD? I see clearly that it would be a mistake to become involved, yet I feel drawn to this person. We have so many of the same philosophies. And I can put myself in this person's shoes, I understand the emotions.

Oh what to do. Mom never told me life would be this ambiguous.

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