Good morning Devon.
Liked the story...kinda creepy, tho. Hope you can write a more cheerful one next time. You sure have a way with words and mental pictures.

Have a good day.

Hector P.

Devon-Eddie strikes again. Interesting tale. You're going deep on us again.

Dynamite images.

Depressing theme but real.

You Know Who

Devon, of course.

You may have a fight on your hands with the goddess, LOL.

sock puppet fight

Well, I made note of your reaction. You're right about character development. I need to work on that. I can't let internet stories get too long, however. Thanks for your suggestions. Glad you weren't disappointed that it wasn't a science fiction story.

Thanks,

Dev

I had considered that possibility. Thank you for your appreciation and comment.

Devon

Thanks for the honest criticism. I have often thought that my style is too conversational, especially for this level of drama. Gllad you liked some parts of it. Thanks for reading. I'm still working on style. I need a different style for each story I write.

Devon

Thank you, Cindy, for reading and responding. I appreciated your comments and will look forward to your PM. Perhaps we could meet in person some day. I already plan to meet another from this forum. I'm a pretty tame and harmless person. Send me the PM.

Love,

Devon

Many thanks, Hector. I know you can be the worst critic I have when you want to be, so I take this as a major compliment. Have a good day yourself, and thanks for reading.

Devon

Make sure that the kid, whose name is Jamey, on the Hector AV pic is not dead like the one you used a while back. You really need to do your homework when creating socks and stealing AV pics.

PS Bretons suck cockm, especially Bretons living in Fayetteville, GA.

PSS your last story sucked, as usual. Same meme, same places, same old tired crap, same shit about you trying to bring back LeGay. Get you some travel and life experience, it may help with the failed advertising cum shitty writer doldrums.

hth

When are you guys going to stop calling me Devon-Eddie???

Thanks for the compliment.

And, yes, I know who....

Obviously,

Dev

Oops. Apologies.
Wrong thread about nothing.

*sniggers behind hand*

ya right.

How many people "live" close to "Devon"? And how many of them have met? none of course. for Devon doesn't live in NYC, he lives in Atlanta, GA, DeKalb County and is almost 60, bald, dyes his badly trimmed mustache and drinks mouthwash and has an affinity for young boys.

Later, Pedo GK!

Well, thanks to all who responded. Last night turned out to be pretty rough at work, so I didn't get back until later today. I appreciate all the positive and the negative things you say about my stories. The negative points often help me focus better and become a more effective writer.

I still believe in this place---even though you voted me down as mod, Lol.

More econ posts and more stories coming soon.

Love to all,

Devon

Hi Devon whatever happened to your new forum that you created just for you and your fans? Can we have the addy pleeze Devvy?

I never started it. The various sites which offer a framework for forums are too restrictive and have too many rules. I wanted a forum without rules of any kind, and I could not find a place to host that. So I never started one. Thanks for being a fan.

Dev

Devon- you need to change Colleen's "undershorts" to panties or underwear, as girls don't wear undershorts.

I find your stories to be full to the brim and even overflowing with subtleness.
They show you as an expert in the use of the pen.
I'll send you an email with some private comments, so look for it tonight or tomorrow.

As far as the author's intervention, this is just brilliant!





Yes indeed, where else is there to go when there is no where to hide?

Dream Theater at its finest.


"Taint not thy mind."

With Love,
TG

But little boys DO! And that's what Devon's creator really likes.

Devonette. Don't forget to change your socks daily.

Your advice is duly

UNNOTEWORTHY

as opposed to the extreme relevance of Devon.

On second thought, perhaps Devon did indeed mean undershorts,
as I'm sure he uses literal devices to express various points of view.

When I read a story such as this one I interpret
based on what is written,
not as a critic. Critique of a person's writing skills is not
what's important to me, and are better left to those who
have such skills.

My approach, altho perhaps clouded by love, also
includes a multi-layered analysis of any such finely
written prose. An analysis I am unwilling to post here.
The various meanings of the story is the prime consideration.

"devon's creator"...

We could talk about about living in hell at the same time as in heaven.


Bravo Devon!

Devonette

Devonette

Don't thank me for reading, Devon. I also read cereal packets.

Surely you people have noticed that Devon's stories elicit an emotional and sometimes visceral response????

THAT is the definitive mark of a true artist.

LOL- one of the code words is Hermes...

Love to Devon

TG

DEVON ALWAYS ELICITS A VISCERAL REACTION OUT OF ME. I WOULD LOVE TO SLEEP WITH HIM.

SERIOUSLY.

DEVON KEEP IT UP YOU ARE WINNING IN THIS ELECTION!!!

Big surprise. You'd sleep with a slack jawed, drooling, unibrowed, woman beating, knuckle dragger.

Good story Dev, saw it late.

I see Devon congratulating himself all over this thread for his <<courage>>. Although he wrote a compelling tale here, I am not sure that it took that much of a level of courage to post it. Dealing with both mental retardation and adolescent sexual abuse is very difficult. I think Devon rises to the challenge quite well in a fictional way, but what is clearly lacking is his psychological expertise in both matters. His characters are far from being flat, but his plights of both Colleen (retardation) and Brent (sexual abuse) are still somewhat stereotypical despite Devon's narrative skill in developing characters, situations and settings

Devon undertakes difficult themes but he seems to lack the precise psychological experience to go farther than just the surface.

I personally have been involved with counseling abused and/or retarded children for many years. I see variations on both themes, subtle variations that Devon does not explore probably because he has no direct experience with them. I see him guessing as he writes about what a "retarded" teenager is like. Same goes for a sexually abused boy. The latter comes in all varieties. There is not a direct link between teen sexual abuse and the creation of mental refuges like that of Brent. It does often happen, but not always so dramatically as Devon would have us believe.

There is in counseling of the abused a distinction made between paedophilia with pre-pubescent children and the sexual abuse of teenagers who are already in puberty. This distinction is not usually recognized, but it is considered in the sentencing of sex-abuse criminals. Most courts will consider the abuse of a six year old differently than that of a 16 year old. There are many who dislike this distinction and want to classify all such actions under the umbrella of paedophilia, but the courts usually think differently.

Teen suicide is also a theme that Devon attempts very skillfully to develop, but in my opinion again falls short. Yes, counselors and teachers are required to report verbal threats and even discussions of suicide, but often these arise simply from a low self-concept rather than an escape from abuse.

All in all, a very gripping story from Devon, but not a textbook on either mental retardation, suicide or sexual abuse.

I have little if any care in who Devon is. He writes well, and I try to get around to reading all of his stories, but from what I have gathered lurking here, Devon is trained in economics not psychology. So he can turn out a story like this which suggests a kind of "pop-psychology" a one size fits all approach to the issues at hand. Readers should be especially aware of this with writers. They write only one possible variation of a vast number of possibilities.

I think the most shocking case in point that I can offer from my experience is that the Brent character, as described, could have actually come to like and identify with the sexual abuse of his wicked uncle. I'm sorry to offend anyone, but that does sometimes happen. As with Devon's take, it is only one of several possibilities. Another is the "no effect at all" outcome, which I know may also offend someone. There is no direct formula that says a sexually abused person will be scarred for life. Some simple outgrow the trauma and live perfectly normal lives. I know that seems hard to believe, but it is sometimes true.

Good story....but not a formula or a textbook on any of the three issues: retardation, suicide and escape fantasy from sexual abuse.

Interesting analysis. Devon does not have all the answers. No one does.

Devon's story brings to light the fact that as Devon says there is sometimes nowhere to hide when you need to hide. A very sad but true account.

Sad story, but well written by a talented writer.

DEVON WILL LIVE FOREVER IN THE ANNALS OF THIS FORUM. ONLY HE HAD THE BALLS TO WRITE STORIES AND NOT CARE ABOUT THE RESPONSES.

DEVON FOREVER!!!

There's too much scat. Perhaps you could have dialed it down a bit.

Merely allude to the girl's continence problems in the intro, and have a single, dramatic scat moment somewhere in the body of the story. Employ it as a literary device, but don't overdo it. Perhaps 'less' could be 'more' there.

It could be enough that she's simply drooling and illiterate.

That's all probably a matter of individual taste.

Of the story itself, you should send it through an editor. Some of the phrasing could be changed a bit.

This is a good story in any event.

Sometimes the scat and such are so outlandish as to cause the reader entry into previously unexplored literary milieus.

The ending here is really strong.

The narrator passage is either 'take it or leave it.' The story is good with or without it. I liked it.

'Devon' is a pretty good writer. If his stories were edited a bit, they might really fly.

Only he knows who 'his' intended audience really is. Barry Manilow once said of writing hit songs, "I would be a fool to write songs that only myself and a few close friends liked, wouldn't I?"

On a past thread, Devon said some good things about Lovecraft. I agree with him about that. Lovecraft is like the gold standard of horror literature. Not the August Derleth, 'collaborations' but the stuff written entirely by HP himself.

If Devon and Grace are really two different people, Devon should send his stories to Grace for editing.

But yeah, good story there. The one about the fake psychiatrist was good too...

As for horror, another writer to check out is EA Poe. He could write.

Going with the idea that there are multiple people actually posting at this forum, you gotta give Devon credit for one thing; he brings stories.

It's the writings which have been collected here which make this forum interesting:

Gotterdammerung, Jody, Devon, Green, FPY, etc...

It would be something else to see PWR morph into a sort of writer's forum.

Anyone out there want to write any stories and post, I'll read and comment...

A story posting is better than any picture, youtube, or fringe news article.

This is the best piece of writing on this thread.



Spot on analysis Trev

Much love to you as always, and thanks for the comment above. I sent you a PM yesterday about your longer analysis, which was superb, as is everything you write.

Loving you,

Dev

You're right. I do not have much experience with the facets of my story itself, at least not direct, working experience as you do.
I did indeed mean for it to be one of several possibilities, not a recipe that happens every time.

Thanks for reading and commenting,

Devon

I care about the responses. That is why I respond to all of them. But thanks for saying that I have balls. Both the negative and the positive responses help me see the strengths and weaknesses in my writing.

I take your comment in a very positive light.

Thanks,

Devon

Good Morning, DEVON!!!

And how are you today? I'll look for the PM...
Your newest story seems to be a great hit!

I need to respond here to something Trevor wrote...


Trevor wrote:


How so very sweet of Trevor to express his concern...




But I ....ain't got no body....


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tf3-66sfyYQ

I love you Devon !

When can you come to Philadelphia?

You're rapidly becoming as much of a caricature as he is.


I don't have much time for fools, they get what they ask for, then realise it wasn't what they thought it would be.

I'm more concerned with wrapping up usuary as some kind of noble and uplifting act, when all it is is an inability to tell the truth to - and about - others.

Words can create a zillion lies, try spotting just one of the set before hanging them up as trophys.

I am indeed honored that someone as talented as you read and respond! I am only one person and not related to anyone else, but you put me in some pretty dramatic company, yourself included. I too like Lovecraft and his French counterpart Villiers de l'Isle-Adam, who wrote a great deal of very spooky short horror stories but was never as voluminous as Lovecraft. I also like Poe and have been inspired by him, as well as Hawthorne and Guy de Maupassant. Can't fail to mention Arthur Machen, either. All great horror writers.

I probably did push the scatology a little too far. I'm glad you pointed this out. A writer above says that I make some errors regarding the abused and retarded, and I have to agree that I only know them from afar. So the bowel accidents aspect of my story, which I will allow to remain (I rarely edit, unfortunately), may have been "de trop."

I appreciate the good things you found in my story too. Also, I'm glad you liked a previous one. I am up to around 12 or 13 in the library now. Some better or worse than others. I hope you have a chance to read more. In saying this to you, I need to confess, WITH MUCH EMBARRASSMENT, that I have not yet finished your last story. The first one was dynamite. I printed it out in larger fond to read at leisure, and I liked it. I have the second one printed and must today return to it.

Like you, I will read any fiction posted here, and I like the idea of the forum turning into an outlet for creative fiction. That would be a good turn in my opinion, one that I have been working on since I started posting. It was my original intent to bring out other writers like you and Grace. Jody Casgraine was my greatest inspiration, and it was she who brought me to post fiction here rather than in other places. FPY was also interesting to read.

Above all, Jody stands out. There has never been anything like her on the internet before or since. I am only a pale imitation of what she was.

I like to think that my contribution to this forum is not only my stories but the encouragement of other writers like yourself and Grace. In reality, it does not in fact take a great deal of courage to hit the post button. No important artist of any kind should be hindered by negative receptions. We have to write to please ourselves first and then hope that a few others get it. Here and on other forums, I have seen aspiring writers START something good only to not know how to FINISH it. As a writer yourself, you are aware that finishing may be the most difficult part. I write an entire story in my mind and then find the tone and language for it later.

All in all, an excellent critique from you, and I encourage you to continue, and I WILL read.

Devon

I'm pretty sure Goddess is Devon, at least that's how it reads to me.

I usually don't read anything by Trevor, but his mention of Mills and Boon (unknown mostly in America) did catch my eye. If I remember correctly, they were the UK parent company for what we call Harlequin Romances, and those people raked in a fortune. Still, Trevor is correct in asserting that they are mostly "pap" writers. But that sells.

Love you soon. Read my PM or is it an email. Email, I guess. That's working again.

You know I think of you always,

Love,

Devon

I thought everyone knew that by now. I am the Goddess and the Goddess is me. We are joined and forever a part of one another. We are so close, in fact, that she will soon be posting economics threads. When two people understand one another as closely as we do, they become one.

Devon

Precisely, pap is for reading, not living, and money holds zero interest for me.

Once again, a thank you for all who have read and commented. I have another story in mind for the next two weeks or so. I write fast, but it takes me time to think them through.

Apsaralutely, an excellent writer, mentioned above a fact that is confirmed by my PMs. Lots of people are reading the stored submissions of ALL writers in the Library Forum.

It is an honor for me to be there with them.

It pains me that Jody Casgraine, although archived, is not among us. But her two magnificient threads can still be retrieved on yet another sub-forum.

So I believe it is time to retire this one to the invisible readership which inevitably comes to the Library.

Thanks to all,

Devon

I think it's kinda creepy